Invaders

Ben and I are united in the effort to keep spiders out of our home. We take the defense against these invaders very seriously. Much like Robert Neville in I am Legend - (it is that intense and that scary..)





.. and like the clip.... yesterday - one got in. (I'm sure there is more then one in the house - but this one is huge). Ben and I were just hanging out, watching 30Rock... and I spotted it. The kind of big that you can see every leg from across the room.

Smaller then silver dollar - bigger then a quarter size.
I was not okay. Ben - trying to stay cool and calm just says "I'll get it with a paper towel" (which is what he usually does with the little ones). In the mean time I rant on about how THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE and I CAN NOT LIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS WITH SUCH LOW SECURITY and laundry list of things I would do the following morning to insure we would not have another breach.
Ben walks across the room with paper towel hand.... and freezes 4 feet shy of the beast. Then turns to me and says "That's a really big one. I'm kinda freaking out."

A plan was quickly put together - removing all things it could run under and escape from us. Ben questions --as we pull away pillows and blankets in a 10 foot radius... 'why do we have such primal fears of these things!?!'

Armed with squirt bottle of bleach set to stun and a tall glass vase to trap it (and be able to see that we've trapped).... we review the battle plan before moving in -- I was to shoot it with the chemical, causing it to run right and corral it towards it's glass prison. Bleach proves to be a paralyzing agent lending itself easy to capture .... this time.

As I have always done - I slide a book/paper/magazine - and in this case a book AND chunk of cereal box until the vase and carry the prisoner outside to the front porch.... where it will sit as a reminder to other invaders what happens upon entry.

I've done this trap-them-under-a-cup/vase/mason jar-then carry-them-out-side-to-burn-up method all my life. Especially in my teenage years - at any one point in time during the summer there would be a couple of mason jars on the back porch with shriveled insects in them. I'm sure I'll be questioned about this when I get to the judgment bar -- why I torched heavenly fathers creatures.

Once detained and secured - investigation on what type of creature follows for the next 1/2 hour UNTIL Ben runs across you tube videos of spider bites. WHOOOAA!! Time for bed.
Ben gets up and walks towards our bedroom. I ask him, as he crosses the lanolin floor in his bare feet.... 'are we going to be okay? ' He replies ' of course we are.... '

... but then steps on a rubber band - which scares him so bad he nearly busts through the roof and does a mad sprint to the bed.
I really laughed for the next 15 minutes.

True story.